Real Life Stories

"Even though I was a Hafiz (memorizer), I couldn't find Allah, I couldn't be like those saints, I couldn't even perform salat."

I spent my childhood and youth in a village in Trabzon full of natural beauty that always reminded me of Allah. My grandfather would read the Qur'an at home in the winters and tell us stories of the Prophet. I used to listen with curiosity and pleasure. I used to imagine the lives of the Companions, the battles they fought in, and I always wanted to be a martyr. I used to slightly rebel, "Oh, I wish I had lived in that time, I wish I had followed the Prophet. What is our fault that we were not born in that era?" I used to watch movies about the saints and I used to be very impressed. "These people lived a different life, why aren't we like that? They must be superior people, they must have been chosen so that they could reach such positions." In the movie of Mehmet Emin Tokadi, a young man was coming out of a cave and saying, "I found it, I found it, I found the truth!" "My God, what did he find? What was the truth he found?" but I could not put the pieces together.

After I finished primary school, I went to a Qur'an course. I took Qur'an recitation with Tajweed and memorization lessons for six years. I received my diploma as a hafiz (memorizer). But I was very unhappy. There was a never-ending fight inside me, a constant war and unhappiness.